Crockenhill FC

Saturday 01st December 2012
Crockenhill 2 v Woodstock Park FC 1

Kent Invicta League Div 1
Gate : £4 - (inc Programme)
Atten : 8 (eight !)
Ground : Quicky little ground in a rural location in the Kent countryside near Dartford  7/10
Match Enjoyment : Plenty of huff & puff by two energetic teams produced and enjoyable game  7/10

 View all Photos of Crockenhill (47)

Two seasons ago i met a chap at the Tonbridge Angels v Lowestoft 3-3 game i remember him recommending a visit to Wested Meadow home of Crockenhill FC. For some reason his advice had slipped my mind until a few weeks ago until reading Kerry Miller's excellent Non League Book. Upon some investigation i noticed they had brought forward a January fixture - my juices were flowing and an immediate visit was required if anything out of curiosty. I had not been hopping for a while due to serious health issues and this was the perfect venue to get 'back in the saddle'.

Linda the Sat Nav was in a lethargic mood this morning but after some TLC she gradually warmed up.
Due to no floodlights it was a 2pm kickoff , which was ideal on this overcast, gloomy and cold winters day.
My usual routine is to find the ground first , get my bearings and then visit the local area for some sightseeing and Pre Match Meal. My venue was the 'ambitiously' named Tip Top Cafe.
Special No 3 ! with no Bubble !

The Tip Top Cafe !

After my yummy brunch washed down with almost a bucket of tea i was all set to go. When i arrived back at the ground there was still nobody to be found and kick off was just under two hours away. I was beging to think it had been called off -But as luck would have it just then they all started to arrive , just in time for  West Ham's easy victory over Cheatski .

 As i entered the ground i had achieved something i had never achieved before at a football ground -  i had personally had doubled the attendence to two !

It was an odd little place and once inside it seemed like a rabbit warren inside the main stand and by chance i had found the Lounge Bar which was inside actually colder than it was outside !
The bar itself was covered everywhere from floor to ceiling in football flags, scarves, photos and memorabilia galore. Teams from all over the world, such as Juventus ,Dynamo Moscow, Milan, Bayern Munich.
When i had asked a local had all these teams played here ,he just nodded with a beguiling smile and a wink !

As i walked around the ground i had noticed some quirky things :
  • Why was there so many beer kegs scattered around the place , i had counted at least 15 ! one was even by the corner flag !
  • Did they have the narrowest players tunnel ever ? i even saw one of the away teams coaches unsuccessfully negotiating it with a bag of balls and got himself stuck in the process !
 A groundhopper friend Isaac had appeared which was good for two reasons - he is always enjoyable company and secondly his appearance
alone had swelled the crowd by 20% !

The whole crowd !

It was a decent game and both teams huffed and puffed with many chances either end.
About half way through the first half i heard a scream from the bar , to my delight the Hammers had scored another ! - when i returned a few minutes later i started talking with Isaac and then a few more minutes he had forgotten to tell me that whilst i was away there had been a goal ! Crockenhill were 1-0 up - i had not heard a dickie bird and it must have been the most silent reaction by so many to a goal ! I had missed a goal ! but it made me chuckle because it reminded me of my never to be forgotten trip to New Mills FC when i missed the first 4 goals !  (final score 11-0 !)

Two members of the crowd ( 25%) were moaning of the standard of football. They were also first timers and had come because their local game had been called off. I thought to myself - why come, just to moan ?
Just enjoy the crisp sunny day and the lovely surroundings.

Crockenhill scored a lucky goal to go 2-0 ahead only for Woodstock to pull a goal back to set up a very enjoyable last 15 minutes as they laid siege on the home goal. By now it was nearly dark and all you could see was the high vis strips on some of the players boots moving around the pitch like mini Orange meteorites !. The final whistle blew and the home side hung on well.
Its was a tip top game ,on a tip top crisp day, at a tip top non league ground, tip top company , all starting off at the Tip Top Cafe !!!!!


  1. OB is back! You cannot believe how pleased I am to see you return. Nice start back too. A ground full of character and lots of oddball features. Excellent.

    See you soon mate.


    1. Reynard,
      Many thanks for your kind comments.It was a perfect venue to come back to, and was an enjoyable day.
      Take Care - hopefully we can team up again very soon.

  2. Glad to see you back Onion Bag. Might see you at a Whitley Bay Vase game again!

    Pete F @bayfox_1

    1. Pete, Many thanks for your contact. I cant wait to see Bay in the Vase again - problem is they keep on getting cushy home draws in every round !!! But rest assured when it goes national in January , i will be there !
      Howay the Bay !
      Kind Regards.

  3. Great read! Good to see you back. Hopefully see you at a Bay Vase game again this season!

    Peter F @bayfox_1

  4. I see you're still a greedy bugg*r!

    Wonder there wasn't a pitch invasion without any stewards. Suppose they'd soon track you down though.

    Good win for West Ham, got their 'Big Match' DVD recently (even though I'm more of a Spurs man really).

    Quite an achievement to get to a game where only 8 spectators turned up! That will take some beating.

    Looks a decent enough venue though.

    Good to have you back on board OBy!

    1. Cheers Uwdi !
      I am not greedy ! because that was just my starter !!!
      It was most bizarre when i had noticed the actual crowd size. Two people left after 75 mins which reduced the crowd by 25% !.
      I was actually mistaken when i first made a headcount of 9 !for i had included the Linesman ! my 'error' had swelled the attendence by 16% !
      The venue was quirky, different but nevertheless enjoyable - not to mention the whole day came to about a tenner ! superb value. That usually is just enough to get dry cold hot dog at Upton Park !

      Take Care Udwi - hope to meet up very soon.

  5. Good to have you back OB!

  6. Great to see you back Jerry.
    As usual.....great stuff.


  7. Interesting, I am likely to be at Crocks this weekend watching Stansfeld, Eltham Palace FC. Your crowd comments reminded me of a visit to the late Penhill Standard in the late 1980s from memory. When all the girl friends, trainers, coaches, managers went in for their half time cup of tea, I was the only person left, so a gate of 1. No entry fee though for what was then the London Spartan League.

    1. John - a visit to 'Crock' is always fantastic ! I last visited 2 seasons ago and am happy to report it is still a thing of beauty. Quirky and ramshackle in equal measures. I love all the nooks and crannies there. Last time some guy had trouble getting through the turnstile as he was too big. Eventually fatique took control for him. The guy on the gate went and got a chair for him to recover. The chair was also too big to get through the turnstile so the guy threw the chair over the stand into the car park to solve the problem - it was very amusing to watch !