main entrance
Kent Senior Trophy 1st Round 
Crockenhill 1 Pheonix Sports 8 
Atten 45 ish 
Gate £5 
includes programmes which were thrown on the pool table sometime in the second half ! 

View photos from Crockenhill

Plenty of rogering, loads of booze, partying, gang bangs and symptons of syphilis were the subjects covered during the Pheonix Sports Managers pre-match players meeting in the bar in relation to the teams trip to Benidorm at the end of season. "all in for 130 nicker boys .... booking monday" ! 

A visit to 'Crock' is always great fun as this ramshackle gem in rural Kent never disappoints. 
The Clubhouse is decorated from floor to ceiling with football memorabilia. The main stand is quirky to say the least. It has the narrowest players tunnel anywhere in football. Decent kitchen and bar in operation. 

The club is held together by selotape and how it survives no one knows. The entrance to the ground is the narrowest ever seen. One spectator who was on the large side got so tired of trying to squeeze through he asked for a chair to sit down on to regain his breath. 
The chap on the gate went and got one for him but could not fit it through the entrance. His solution was to throw the chair over the roof of the stand into the car park. 

Bag for life !
The score line explains the difference between the teams. Crocks goal was a penalty and was their first goal scored at home since last season. I actually lost count of the score as it was that one sided. 

For the last 15 mins Crocks goalie went off and was replaced by what appeared to be an out of shape Sexagenarian who was unable to dive !. 
All this in the fine company of Richiejen from this parish. After our mega breakfast (with extra bubble !) my travelling companion dropped me off at 'Crock' and then continued to watch Dartford v Aldershot just four miles away. Upon his return a few hours later after a mundane game he regreted missing the events at Crockenhill - he should of listened to me !

A visit to Crockenhill comes highly recommended to any football enthusiast.
Just make sure that you will be able to fit through the turnstile !


  1. A :rustic: day out with plenty of goals and 1st class company!

    1. You are correct ! .... very good day out with fine company at a rustic hidden gem. Difficult to beat in my opinion.