Halesowen Town

23rd February 2013

Northern Premier League South Division
Halesowen Town 3 v Loughborough  0
Gate: £8
Atten: 201

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View Official Match Report from TheYeltz

Ground: According to the club's records Halesowen have played at The Grove ever since their formation in 1873. The ground was originally a cricket pitch. Today the ground has a very positive vibe with the feeling of better things to come on the pitch.Set within the environs of residential property The Grove has a certain charm about it. Two sides have covering, the most quirky being behind the goal. The two other sides are steep bank open terracing. A well stocked club shop and well run 'Yeltz Cafe' make this a most pleasant venue.7/10
Panoramic View of The Grove
Match Enjoyment: The 'Yeltz' came flying out of the blocks and were all over Loughborough. Dynamo offered nothing where as Halesowen offered a lot, they looked like scoring with every attack, especially in the first half. The number 10 (Haseley) is a goal machine at this level. His brace today made it 15 goals in the last ten matches and 39 in last 30 odd games. He could of had at least five yesterday. 'Lough' were all all huff and puff and looked 'rough and fluff' and were simply not good 'enough'. On this performance Halesowen should make the play-offs at the very least and who knows what can happen then ? 8/10

My day started very early because i was taking advantage of decent train offer. Linda had the weekend off for only the second time in years. I prefer to use the car as it gives greater flexibility and independence.
As i climbed aboard the 09.43 all was going to plan and very peacefully. That was until the people in the seats behind me arrived, a wannabe younger mum and three teenage girls. One girl in particular was loud, very loud and the only time she stopped talking between London and Birmingham was to take breath.They were obviously off to some concert in Birmingham as all they screamed over each other in their attempt to be the loudest was about either Justin Beiber, Olly Murs, and many others whom i have never heard of. "I love Olly sooooo much i wanna marry 'im" "I want Justin" yelled another so the whole carriage could here. After one hour of this drivel i decided to turn around in order to guess the age of the girl who's voice was piercing my ear lobe. If i was going on the scale of a year of age equals one stone in weight then i would of guessed 19 or 20 ! but no she turned out not to be even sixteen, as she said she wanted to go to New York for her sweet sixteen, to see Justin as they were really best mates ........ on facebook !!!

World's tallest pepper mill ?

I arrived in Birmingham suffering from Tinnitus, such was the noise that gaggle had produced. I went for the pre match meal in a lovely Victorian Cafe for my usual Full English, which was delicious. I asked the server for a pepper mill .... She produced the largest, tallest and heaviest one ever witnessed by man.

The Brummie accent is not the finest example of English vernacular, but for one day only it was worth the sacrifice. I always remember the Comedian Jasper Carrot when i think of Birmingham and in parictular his sketch "the nutter on the bus" ... well guess what he came on my bus, plonked his derriere in front of me with his bus ticket on his tongue and then stuck it right in front of my nose on the window of the bus, whilst muttering in an inaudible Brummie twang !
Very classy indeed !.

Upon arrival at the ground i was made most welcome by all the staff and in particular Paul who does a great job keeping the clubs website up to date ( link above). I was most grateful for his hospitality. His enthusiasm for the Yeltz was most apparent and he could not be faulted in any way, except for how he responded to my feeble attempt at  humour. On the big screen in the boardroom the six nations rugby was showing .. Italy v Wales and the score read ...   ITA 0 WAL 9 ..... and in the knowledge that Walsall were just down the road and were very big rivals said .. "Look Walsall are beating Italy 9-0 !!"  His look and smile said it all, as simply ... no words were needed !

Gosport Borough

16th February 2013

Southern League Premier Division
Gosport Borough 1 v Bedworth United 0
Gate: £9
Atten: 374

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Harry's Seat
Ground:Gosport Borough Football Club has been based at their home Privett Park since the club were founded in 1944. A new stand was constructed in 2011 on the east side of the ground to accommodate a further 300 seated.  The new stand, known as the Harry Mizen Stand after a former President of the Club. Today a seat remains unused in his honour.
The clubhouse is situated behind the near goal and was opened in 1972. There is a small overhang which provides some additional cover for those spectators who prefer not to venture too far from their half-time tipple. You are given a warm welcome and you can sense the positive vibes around the place from both Staff, Players and the loyal fans. In recent seasons, success has found its way to Privett Park and with a big push this season for the play offs, more, may not be too far away. The Tea Hut is excellent with caring service and yummy home made goodies, all sensibly priced, you feel that you should make more than one visit !

Spinnaker Tower
The main stand is superb in every way. It dominates the ground, like a headmaster. Full of history of bygone years with lovely vistas towards the waterfront and Spinnaker Tower (A 170 metre tall visitor attraction overlooking historical Portsmouth harbour and the Solent).
The Club had a very good community and family ethos which some other clubs could do well by following. 8/10

Match Enjoyment: My day was made most enjoyable by meeting up with some old friends from "The Bedworth Bootroom" , never short of a great story or two and always great company. Yesterday they did not fail to deliver. I do admire one of their most ardent fans  Mr Colin , who with his incurable optimism for over half a century has followed  the "Green Army" everywhere through thin and ........ thin ! This is what i love about non league football, meeting up with fans who travel from Poole to Gretna and everywhere in between. The 'gorgeous' ladies from Bedworth with their flags draped over the railings for all to see, whilst miles from home only to see them put in a spirited performance only to lose to a better, more experienced team with more guile. Dont get me wrong the Greenbacks made things awkward for 'Port and the goal they conceded was softer than a marshmallow. Three defenders, a goalie could only watch as the ball trickled in from ten yards out after bouncing and bobbling about 4 or 5 times through the mud. Gosport always looked in control but the Greenbacks battled until the final whistle ..... 5/10

Tunbridge Wells FC

9th February 2013

FA Vase 4th Round
Tunbridge Wells 1 v Dunston  0
Gate: £6
Atten: 580

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Ground: On big match days, like today, this is a decent non league ground which has a certain charm about it.Upon entering i could feel the buzz around the place.The pitch slopes downwards towards the far end, where it drops away sharply behind the goal. The slope of the pitch is underlined by the staggered roofing of the original committee facilities and original clubhouse/changing rooms that stands on the half-way line, and the two covered stands,added later on either side, of brick and wooden construction. Combined, these extend virtually the whole length of the eastern touchline and, although they are not especially elevated, they do nevertheless give the stadium its main definition. The steep terraces when packed offer a certain charm. All set within a leafy environment, most enjoyable. 7/10
Vase Fever !
Match:The atmosphere created by the crowd was excellent. This was a typical Vase game in all respects, North v South, big crowd, muddy pitch, two teams doing their very best,both in search of fulfilling dreams of a visit to the promised land. Both teams going toe to toe. But as usual there could be only one teams going through and today the holders Dunston went out. They huffed and puffed but 'Wells stood firm and fully deserved their win. This game was being played at the fourth time of asking but although i only arrived at half-time, i was sort of hoping for extra time to allow me more minutes of this fascinating game. But what i did experience, i thoroughly enjoyed in my favourite competition of them all ! 8/10

The whole cast were present today, Princess, Linda, Big A, Bird, and Onion Bag and what a palava it was ! from start to finish ... some 14 hours later !
Looking back the writing was on the wall right from the very start . Big A was late getting out of bed and kept us waiting with his faffing about and snail paced walk. We were already late in taking Princess up to her University Open Day at Roehampton. In theory that should be straight forward enough, go there, quick tour, short lecture, ask a few questions, view accommodation etc gone by 1pm at the very latest , straight to football and a new tick - home by 6pm .... happy days ? ...... but no , things did not go like that. After a slow journey we arrived as the tours were in full flow. We attended the welcome talk and every second word they used to describe the place was 'fantastic', they must of used the word about 50 times, the only time they did not add the word 'fantastic' was when they mentioned the student fees !!! As the lecture for Princess went on the clock was ticking its now past 1pm and the little minx was asking questions in order to delay our departure as she knew i was itching to get my football fix. She should know by now, that saturday is football day ! Princess found it quite amusing, i am glad SHE did !. Then she faffed around wanting to have a 'final' look around only to add salt in my football wounds.

We got back in the car, woke Linda up and off we went. Now i knew Kingstonians were at home only a few miles away against Cray Wanderers but as i saw them play last week at Bognor, I decided to swerve and head to Tunbridge Wells for a Vase game. 1hour 45 mins later we were only 6 miles down the road  in South Wimbledon. I was still 31 miles away and kick off was 15 mins away... no chance. Roadworks, slow cars, traffic lights, rain were not helping.I was getting updates from the ground from a hopper friend who said how relaxed he was and how he had arrived in plenty of time... cheers buddy ! To cut the story short i finally made it to Tun Wells at Half Time, the lady on the gate felt so sorry for me she let me in for free - my only highlight of the day.

As i had not eaten since 7am that morning, tired, cold, wet and hungry Princess insisted we go to Pizza Express for dinner as she loves the place and the food is 'great'. We parked up at the top of town in the multi story car park (not cheap) only to find the restaurant was all the way at the bottom a good half an hours walk away, the problem being we were half way there so turning back made no difference as we had walked so far already. Upon arrival at this 'great' eatery we learned "no tables for at least an hour" ...... grrrrrr !

Thanks a bunch Princess !! - a 45 minute walk because you love pizzas !! only to find out no tables for at least an hour ! followed by a 45 minute walk back to the car only to be served rubbish and over priced with surly staff !!!
So to kill time we walked all the way back and drove down some 45 minutes later only to be served the thinnest thickest pizza of all time. "yes sir" said the manager with his beguiling smile .... "That is a deep pan, thick pizza"  ...... "No it is not" i replied ..... it was the thickness of a five pound note. The taste was bland with little toppings, the waitress was a surly filly and they insisted i payed the full amount. By then it was 9.10pm i had been on the road for 13 hours and still had more to come, so we paid and left in disgust.
my "deep pan and Thick" pizza !!!

It had been a long and painful day, and the patience had been tested on more than one occasion.
But as i drove back home i glanced in the rear view mirror to see Princess and Big A fast asleep and at peace again, and totally oblivious to the fact that i had just heard on the radio, that the ground i should have visited all those hours ago ... Kingstonians , had won 9-3 !

Whyteleafe FC

5th February 2013

Whyteleafe FC 0 v Erith & Belvedere 1

Kent League Challenge Cup Quarter Final 2nd Leg

Gate: £6
Atten: 51

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Ground: Church Road is a typical Isthmian League venue, tucked away in a pleasant leafy environment on the very fringes of the Surrey and Sussex borders. Rickety stands in abundance.The Clubhouse is clean, modern and spacious and is a credit to the league they presently ply their trade .The site of Church Road was formerly farmland, and the farm's existing buildings were converted into the clubhouse and dressing rooms. The club originally planned to add a running track and cricket pitch to the complex, but these plans were abandoned. Floodlights were added in the early 1980s and a new main stand added in 1999 for the club's first round FA Cup  match against Chester City , which saw a record attendance of 2,164. Some of the turnstiles added at the ground were purchased from the Victoria Ground, the old home of Stoke City.
Before the game started a member of staff navigated the crowd with a teamsheet for everyone, a nice touch indeed. A very decent non league ground and in my opinion its well worth a visit.7/10

Match Enjoyment:  Upon my arrival i was informed that this was the second leg ... wow ! it reminded me of the great European matches of decades past and stirred up some fond memories. Especially on the anniversary of the passing of my all time football hero who just oozed class in everything he did, the one, the only Bobby Moore. European nights under the lights at The Boleyn are fantastic the best that it can get. 1976 ECWC Semi 2nd Leg West Ham v Eintracht Frankfurt 3-1 at a packed Upton Park. No divers, no simulation, no kissing when a goal was scored, just when men were men and a good hard tackle would receive a new contract not a red card ....... Just like my dreams.

 Alas Church Road this evening seemed a million miles from those memories and to be honest it was not the best game, chances were at a premium and all i could do was sit in my "pew" and  pray that the "offering" in front of me that  'leafe would not score and "altar"  (if you pardon the pun) the score that no extra time would take place. Then as i was sure it was the end i departed in the 96th minute and then when i reached home to check the score, Erith had scored in the 97th minute to finish the tie. I had even missed the only goal of this drab affair. I have been going through a tough time of late because only once in the last six matches had i seen a goal in the first half. On my way to the ground i passed the HQ of Anne Summers so i had high hopes that my evening would 'perk up' but this was very 'limp' affair in more ways than one ! 2/10

I thought my evening was going to 'perk up' when i passed this place !

Bognor Regis Town

2nd February 2013

Bognor Regis Town 0 v Kingstonians 1

Ryman Premier League
Gate: £9
Atten: 552 - well above average. Decent away support.
Pre Match Meal: 2/10 In town at Macaris. Portions very small with high prices,with little taste. I actually left still hungry, worst of the season so far.If i had of known how good the Club food was i would have eaten there.

Ground: Nyewood Lane or the "Nye Camp" as its fondly known by the locals,has a capacity of 4,000, of which 350 are seated. There is covered accommodation on three sides. The ground's first set of floodlights were bought from Wembley Stadium and fitted onto telegraph poles. The ground has won many awards for the 'best pitch' on several occasions and best catering and the Club House was buzzing and  is superb , one of the best I have seen outside the football league. The special offer of a Full English and a drink at just over a fiver is superb value. The Coffee served was excellent quality.
Definately a ground to visit on big match days. 9/10
Match Enjoyment:  On a bitterly cold day the game did little to warm you up. The 'Rocks' were difficult to roll over in the first half, having most of the play. In the second half Kingstonians started to rule and eventually the pressure paid off. If Bognor's delivery from wide was of a better quality then the result could have been different. It would be fair to say that this was a smash and grab and the 'Kings' got the crown jewels. 4/10

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